Thursday, August 21, 2003

 

Leta’s Got a Brand New Thing

(Two little kids, HARLEY and CRUISE, frolic in a meadow, collecting flowers. LETA enters. Accompanying her is a giant SWAN. The SWAN’s wing rests on LETA’s butt.)

LETA
Kids! Harley! Cruise! I want you to meet your new daddy!

HARLEY
Oh God, mom, not again.

LETA
Now I don’t want to hear any lip out of you mister.
(To the SWAN:)
Normally I’d smack him for that sass, but it’s always hard for kids to make this transition.

CRUISE
It might be easier if you brought home a daddy with opposable thumbs. Really, at this point, anything in the primate family would do.

LETA
That’s enough. No Animal Planet for a week.

CRUISE
Mom!

LETA
Come here, now. (to the SWAN:) Baby, these are my little angels Harley, Cruise...okay, where’s Jordan, boys?

HARLEY
Hiding under a bridge, dying from embarrassment...

LETA (to SWAN:)
She’s a little bit shy.

HARLEY
She’s traumatized, like all of us!

CRUISE
Harley, remember your blood pressure. Mom, can I have a second with you? (To the SWAN:) Pardon us.
(CRUISE and LETA step aside.)
Mom, remember our conversation with Ms. Kasmin from Child Welfare? We agreed that if you wanted to retain custody of us, you had to curb the ornithophilia.

[UPDATE: Forgot the link!] MORE...

posted by Dan 5:51 PM
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Wednesday, August 20, 2003

 

A rewrite of my 8/11/03 play.

UPDATE: I absolutely did not rewrite the script again last night. Nope. This is exactly the same one that I posted on Wednesday. Everything I write is gold, solid gold, from minute one. Yes sirree. (whistling)

Comfort Or Style

(A playground in Brooklyn, New York, USA. Mid-summer. Humid humid humid.

ANNA and HATTIE, two white women in their thirties. Both wear tank-tops, shorts and sandals. ANNA sits on a bench. She has a large diaper bag with her, and an empty umbrella stroller. HATTIE has a larger pram, which she gently pushes back and forth. Both women are watching people offstage.)

HATTIE
They always wear such nice outfits. So colorful. Feminine.

ANNA
Yeah.

HATTIE
What’s wrong with us? Why can’t we dress that nice?

ANNA
How is she?
(HATTIE checks the pram.)

HATTIE
She’s sleeping. Thank God.

ANNA
Hm.

HATTIE
We should go and -- you know up there on Roosevelt Avenue? That’s where they shop. We should like go up there and get some clothes.

ANNA
Can you imagine?
(ANNA pulls a large box out from behind the bench, marked “Roosevelt Ave.” During the following, ANNA and HATTIE pull saris, salwars, scarves and jewelry from the box, and adorn themselves.)

HATTIE
I’d like to feel that pretty -- you know -- with the weather like this. I bet this material really breathes.

ANNA
Yeah, but what’ll John say, right?

HATTIE
Uh-uh, it’d be for me, not him. I’m sick of blue jeans and t-shirts.

MORE...

posted by Dan 5:52 PM
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Monday, August 18, 2003

 

How I Found Out About the Blackout

(Inside a Mazda, driving through Greenpoint, Brooklyn. ME at the wheel, MY WIFE riding shotgun, TODDLER in carseat in back.)

MY WIFE
The traffic lights aren’t working here either.

ME
Yeah. Turn on the news.
(MY WIFE turns on the radio.)

RADIO
... Staten Island University Hospital’s Center for Obesity Surgery leads the country in the new RYGB stomach bypass procedure...

MY WIFE
Okay, we’re cool.

ME
Yeah. As long as they’re advertising for tummy stapling, we’re okay.

RADIO
We interrupt this broadcast for breaking news BREAKING NEWS breaking news!

TODDLER
Uh-oh!

posted by Dan 1:52 PM
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By Them I’m Whole

(Dark. A man, VON, on stage, barely visible. REED, also barely visible, enters.)

REED
Hey.

VON
I have a gun!

REED
It’s Reed.

VON
Oh, hi Reed. Sorry.

REED
You don’t have a gun.

VON
They're gonna be out in force tonight. Smashing up windows for TVs. Beating people up in stairwells. I thought you were one of them. Sorry.

REED
If you’re worried, go back inside.

VON
Eh...I wanted to see what it looked like.

REED
Yeah. What d’you think?

VON
Pretty...dark. Pretty much dark.

REED
Sunset was gorgeous. The city looked like a -- like a mythic Greek island or something. Like Santorini. Skyscrapers just looked like high cliffs. I rang your bell -- you know -- to get you to see it.

VON
Bell doesn’t work. Bell’s electric.

REED
Oh yeah.

VON
Yeah. (Pause.) So, that’s it. That’s how strong we are. New York City. “The Capital of the World.” Financial engine of the U.S.A., brought to its knees in a blink. We thought we were so friggin’ strong. Look at us now.

MORE...

New York Daily News, August 18, 2003: Power Play Will Squeeze Us

posted by Dan 1:37 PM
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