Friday, August 29, 2003

 

I rewrote Wednesday's script. I got Stalin all wrong.

Ukraine (No The)

(A stone bench in a neglected garden. The granite bench is overgrown with branches. Morning.

YARYNA, a woman in her thirties, clears branches from the bench. She wears blue jeans and a t-shirt -- standard American dress. SOSO enters. He is an old man in his sixties, with a dark bushy moustache. He wears the clothes of an 18th century Georgian peasant -- high-collared white tunic, baggy pants, barefoot. Quaint.)

SOSO
Excuse me -

YARYNA (startled:)
YAH! Jeez...

SOSO
Did I frighten you, dear girl? I do that.

YARYNA
Boy, you scared the living hell out of me.

SOSO
I’m sorry, I’m looking for the work, is there work here?

YARYNA (still recovering:)
God...

SOSO
I was called to work here. It’s part of my sentence, that I work here. Do you know where the work is around here?

YARYNA
I’m sorry, I don’t speak Ukrainian. Uh, ja ne...ja ne rozmovliaiu ukraïnskoiu movoiu.

SOSO
Oh dear. Yes, you don’t speak Ukrainian. But I speak all the languages around here, dear girl.

YARYNA
I only speak English. Do you speak English? Uh...bi rozmovliaiete angliis’skoju movoiu?

SOSO
Something’s wrong here. You don’t look like you’re part of my sentence.

YARYNA
I’m sorry, that’s all the Ukrainian I have. My parents wouldn’t teach it to me. They wanted me to know English.

SOSO
I think you’re an American girl. Hm. That doesn’t seem fair, that my sentence should include foreigners. But that’s not up to me. Dear girl, apparently I’ve wronged you and your family somehow, and now I must to make up for it. So, where’s the work here? Work. I need work. Work.

YARYNA
I’m sorry...

SOSO
I hope I haven’t frightened you out of your wits, dear girl. I do that. Many people recognize me. Even as a foreigner, you may recognize me, yes? Come come, even in this raggedy, ridiculous costume the heavenly bureaucrats put me in, certainly you recognize Josef Stalin.

MORE...

posted by Dan 12:05 PM
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I saw Karaoke Stories by Euijoon Kim last night, and I really enjoyed it. It's funny, mean, and moving in spite of (or because of) its silliness. Euijoon Kim is a hilarious and skilled writer, and the actors revel in the comedy tracks he mixes for them.

Unfortunately, they close on Saturday. But if you're in the NYC area, go. Be sure to get reservations, and show up early for a good seat.

DISCLOSURE: I'm a member of the producing company. They've performed one of my plays. But I'd recommend this show, even if it was written, directed and performed by my arch nemesis, Rex.

posted by Dan 12:01 PM
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Mom, Dad: DO NOT READ THIS SCRIPT. Trust me.

It Won’t Be Long

(An empty web page, blank, white, rarely visited, of the lowly ranks on Google and Technorati. But relief soon appears, in the form of a very sexy Hollywood Actress, fake KATE BOSWORTH. She wears a black evening dress.)

KATE BOSWORTH
Hi, hi everybody. I’m fake Kate Bosworth. The real me starred in a surf movie called “Blue Crush?” And will soon appear with Kevin Spacey in “Beyond the Sea.” Also, according to some IMDB boards, the real me’s incredibly hot. And I look just like the real me. So I guess that makes me hot, too! Perhaps you haven’t heard of the real me. Hah! Or maybe you’re having trouble remembering what the real me looks like. No problem, here’s a picture.



Freely available on IMDB.

Anyway, as you can see from my credentials, I’m qualified to speak on the subject of blogs, and I can promise you that Dan Trujillo’s blog, Venal Scene, makes the other blogs look like the loose defecations of stroke-addled rhesus monkeys.

MORE...

CNN, August 28, 2003: ‘Alias’ Star Garner Asked To Promote CIA

posted by Dan 11:21 AM
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Wednesday, August 27, 2003

 

UPDATE: I rewrote this one. Second draft here.

Ukraine (No The)

(A stone bench in a neglected garden. The granite bench is overgrown with branches. Morning.

YARYNA, a woman in her thirties, clears branches from the bench. She wears blue jeans and a t-shirt -- standard American dress. SOSO enters. He is an old man in his sixties, with a dark bushy moustache. He wears the clothes of an 18th century Georgian peasant -- high-collared white tunic, baggy pants, barefoot -- but he seems out of place in the outfit.)

SOSO
Excuse me -

YARYNA (startled:)
YAH! Jeez...

SOSO
Did I frighten you? I do that.

YARYNA
Boy, you scared the living hell out of me.

SOSO
I’m looking for the work, is there work here?

YARYNA (still recovering:)
God...

SOSO
I was called to work here. It’s part of my sentence, that I work here. Where’s the work around here?

YARYNA
I’m sorry, I don’t speak Ukrainian. Uh, ja ne...ja ne rozmovliaiu ukraïnskoiu movoiu.

SOSO
What’re you saying, woman? It’s obvious you don’t speak Ukrainian. I speak all the languages around here.

YARYNA
I only speak English. Do you speak English? Uh...bi rozmovliaiete angliis’skoju movoiu?

SOSO
Something’s wrong here. You don’t look like you’re part of my sentence.

YARYNA
I’m sorry, that’s all the Ukrainian I have. My parents wouldn’t teach it to me. They wanted me to know English.

SOSO
I think you’re an American girl. It doesn’t seem fair, that my sentence should include foreigners. But that’s not up to me. Apparently I’ve wronged you and your family somehow, and now I’ve got to make up for it. So, where’s the work here? Work. I need work. Work.

YARYNA
I’m sorry...

SOSO
Even as a foreigner, you should recognize me, even in this raggedy, ridiculous costume they put me in, certainly you recognize Josef Stalin.

MORE...

CNN - NY Times, August 26, 2003: Soviet shadows, Ukraine ghosts, by Nicholas D. Kristof

posted by Dan 5:34 PM
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