Friday, September 26, 2003

 

These Inconveniences
(a silly diatribe)

(Lights up on DOUG, alone. He's got a Motorhead t-shirt, scraggly hair and a round, friendly face. He sits in a chair with a well-used red plastic bong. He lights up, takes a hit. Holds it in his lungs with a big smile on his face.

Lights change. Sound of a thousand locks clamping down simultaneously. The silhouette of prison bars falls across DOUG’s face. THE PRISON GUARD NAMED LOU [hereafter referred to as PGNL] enters. He carries a clipboard.)

PGNL (to DOUG:)
Don’t look at me like I’m some symbol, some caricature. I’m a feeling human being. I have a name. Hi there, Prisoner 3194. My name’s Lou. I’ll be your screw for the term of your incarceration.

DOUG
What the hell happened?

PGNL
You’re in prison, boy. You’ve been convicted.

DOUG
There was a trial?

PGNL
Nope. It our state’s new “no-trial” policy.

DOUG
Dude.

PGNL
See, it’s been found that people try to avoid being arrested.

DOUG
Yeah.

PGNL
And when they are arrested, they try to avoid being convicted.

DOUG
Duh.

PGNL
I know, right? So the “no-trial” policy give the police and prosecutors a fighting chance by giving them the element of surprise. As soon as they think a crime is committed, they’re authorized to teleport the accused slash convict to this maximum security prison, somewhere deep beneath the Baltic Sea.

MORE...

CNN, September 25th, 2003; Fatal 'no-knock' search trial draws interest

posted by Dan 12:30 PM
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There's a scene-fest at The Playwrights Forum, which recently played host to a one-minute play fest. Great stuff by Martin Poirier, Edward Crosby Wells, Deepak Morris, and many other, less nomynous posters. Also has my 9/16/03 play in a link. Go on over.

posted by Dan 11:40 AM
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Wednesday, September 24, 2003

 

Memorandum

The Ninth U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals has reinstated the California gubernatorial recall. To comply with the court's decision, I have installed comments on Venal Scene. However, the system will be unavailable in Los Angeles, Sacramento, San Diego, Santa Clara, Solano and Mendocino counties. You people will have to leave me notes scribbled on spiral notebook paper, slipped into my locker on the fourth floor, near the computer lab.

posted by Dan 10:09 AM
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Who Mourns for Gordon Jump?

Mike Mariano, that's who.

posted by Dan 9:09 AM
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Tuesday, September 23, 2003

 

Overheard on the Bus to New Jersey

(Passenger seats on a New Jersey Transit bus, winding through the garden state. MINT, 20s, shifts in his seat, favoring one cheek, then the other.

MINT gives up on his shifting, pulls out a very small cell-phone, dials. He connects.)

MINT
Hey, it’s me. Stuck on the bus, somewhere in Jersey. Oh man, can I tell you? My head is...yeah. Yeah, I went to that. There was this DJ who was from Israel I guess? But he wasn’t Jewish. Or maybe he was, who knows? But he wasn’t like...right, exactly. But he was playing this -- I guess it was like this Israeli electronica, it’s really wild, these sounds going up and down, weaving in and out of each other, very lush, very rich and I guess what you’d call Eastern. Yeah, lots of instruments, lots of improvising, very loose-form. There’s never been any music like it.

But you know, it wasn’t just that, right, obviously. No, I did this thing last night...I’ve always wanted to do it, but I never had the chance. I did this stuff...
(He looks at the other passengers, then leans into the phone and tries to speak quietly.)

You know the guy who wrote the movie, “Alice in Wonderland?” Okay, remember what he was famous for? No, the other thing. Yeah. It was really wild.

posted by Dan 1:50 PM
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Over the last few weeks I've received several hits from search engines using the keywords "Orlando Bloom Kate Bosworth." They're finding me because I wrote a scene featuring them as characters. I chose them at separate points and at random during the writing process. I knew nothing about Ms. Bosworth or Mr. Bloom. I just needed their doppelgangers to perform adult acts in the script.

Well, as it turns out, the reason I'd been getting the hits is because they are performing adult acts.

I believe that each of us is give a small superpower in this life. The Power To Find The Best Thai Food. Mastery Of Parallel Parking. Works Well With Animals And Children.

My superpower had better not be The Ability To Predict Which Celebrities Are Boinking Each Other. If it is, I'm writing a stern letter to somebody, somewhere.

posted by Dan 1:45 PM
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Feeling uninspired lately.

On the other hand, I've cleaned up and rearranged my office, and it's looking good. I'm thinking of finishing a decorating project: papering one wall with all my rejection slips. I can't decide if this is taking lemons and making lemonade, or just surrounding myself with rotting lemons. Thoughts?

posted by Dan 11:08 AM
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