Venal Scene

Thursday, December 04, 2003

You Need To Hear This Band

I've failed to mention them. But now's a good time, because their new CD is coming out December 14th. They are Matty Charles and the Valentines, a sweet acoustic band that mixes country, rockabilly, folk, jazz...too many influences to mention. They distill it into their own sound. Go hear cuts from their first CD at CD Baby.

Yes, they're friends. But I've had lots of friends in lots of bands. I don't toot their horns unless I think they've got the wide appeal. These guys do.

Buy their CD. Go see them live at Pete's Candy Store in Brooklyn. They're on every Wednesday night at ten. Bring a date. Let the band work their magic. The date will go well.

You're welcome.

posted by Dan 3:08 PM
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Wednesday, December 03, 2003

I Am Not Handsome

But if I were handsome, I would be a polygamist.

That�s right, friends. That�s right, wife-of-mine. Were it not for my pantry looks, I would have multiple wives. If only I had a little more Clooney in me. Then my wife would just be wife #1 in a series, like a comic book. Action-Packed Premiere MegaWife #1! Collect �em all!

And she would be so happy to be my multiple wife. She would be so happy to share me with her sister-wives. Like the sun, my handsomeness would warm and nourish her, but it would be too vast and powerful for one mortal woman to endure. My handsomeness would be as a banquet, best shared by many guests (all hot chicks ages 15-25).

Yes, and I would belong to that great brotherhood of handsome polygamists, like this dapper fellow, on the right. My, there�s a looker. And never does he have to endure the barroom jibe from his buddies, �Sorry, ladies, he�s taken!� �Cause he is the Chinese food of husbands, available 24/7, and always leaves you hungry for more, more, more!

If I were scrum-dilly-umptious in the bodily department, I could say that there�s no difference between gay marriage and polygamous marriage. After all, gay marriage is about two adults consenting to spend their life together, and my polygamy would be about luring impressionable minors into a web of deceit, abuse, poverty, and the occasional big lovin� rodeo night with my humpadango howzaboutit hot-nitude!

Why, Lord, didst thou deprive me of the good looks of a polygamist?

posted by Dan 11:05 AM
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