Friday, April 02, 2004

 

Best Laid Plans

I had wanted to talk about The Lower East Side Project, and developing scripts through improvisation. Alas, my thoughts are still in Word Scramble form, and I've run out of time. Expect it Monday.

Tonight, I go to St. Ann's Warehouse and Cynthia Hopkins' Accidental Nostalgia.

Have a great weekend.

posted by Dan 5:13 PM
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So Far So Silent

No reply from New Works of Merit Playwriting Contest regarding my offer (see Tue. 3/30 entry below). I'm going to resend today, and send a hard copy via snail mail.

I'm hoping for a reply of some sort. After all, free publicity is free publicity.

posted by Dan 11:32 AM
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Thursday, April 01, 2004

 

Adding Nuts to Crazy

As I promised yesterday, today's topic is this advertisement.



For those of you having trouble reading it, here's a close-up of the title:



I'm aware of the health problems, feminist issues and fetishes surrounding the corset, and I think you are too. I'll leave that aside for the moment, because I don't ask myself about any of that when I see this advertisement.

I ask myself, "Why electric?"

Just as many believed the internet would save the world, or that rocketry would lead to personal jet-packs, electricity was once the cure-all. A new scientific or technological breakthrough often leads to round of hysterical applications. When Edison invented the light-bulb, a saying went 'round the U.S.: "If it isn't electric, it must be metric, and we will have none of those corrupt European systems of measurement ravishing our bushels and hectares." No, really, that was a saying. I mean, somebody might have said it.

So, the electric corset was one of these hysterical applications. This is the best theory I have, anyway. My research says that the corset wasn't electric in the way we might think it was, i.e. 8 "D" size batteries wired to a circuit of Xmas lights running up and down the torso. According to fathom.com's The Secret History of the Corset and Crinoline, "The word 'electric' referred to magnetism which came from the metallic composition of the garment." This seems to be similar to the logic behind magnetic therapy, which involves the placement of magnets of various size and strength on ailing body parts. Make of that what you will.

A few other interesting "electric corset" tidbits my "research" turned up:

• According to the Minneapolis Star-Tribune (reg. req'd), "women strapped on an electric corset called the Pulvermacher Chain Electric Belt and burned pounds away." I don't thinks this is any weirder than sticking a tube in your butt and sucking the fat out...or stapling your stomach...or forswearing bread...



• Mine is a British ad, but there was an American selling the electric corset too. Dr. Scott, eminent nineteenth century American quack, patented an electric corset similar to the one above, according to American Artifacts. I don't know who came up with it first, the Brits or the Yanks. Dr. Scott's ad dates from 1883, whereas the British one dates from 1891, so evidence and patriotism urge me to declare this device a fruit of American genius.



• An article from the Feb. 26, 1897 edition of The Wheatland World's THIS AND THAT column:
  
  
  “An electric corset has been recently invented for a novelty. It is constructed in such a manner that when a fellow slips his arm around his girl’s waist he presses a button, this loosens a spring in the corset, throws sawdust in his eyes and kicks him out of doors, where an India rubber bulldog stands ready to scare him into fits.”
  
  Look into this paragraph and see the fate of 95% of all humor: disintegration into weary irrelevance. I weep for all of us.

Now, let's return for a closer at the ad.



If you can't read the copy, I'll write it out for you.

"By wearing these perfectly designed Corsets the most awkward figure becomes graceful and elegant, the internal organs are speedily strengthened,

THE CHEST IS AIDED IN ITS HEALTHY DEVELOPMENT

and the entire system is invigorated."

I'm all for aiding healthy chests, but what exactly did they mean? That it made the chest bigger? That it improved blood flow? That it prevented attacks of the vapors?

And speaking of internal organs, have a look at this diagram of how a corset shifts the guts around. I guess this could make the internal organs healthier, in an overcrowding, survival-of-the-fittest sort of way.

DOCTOR:
Sorry about your kidneys, ma'am, but they were weak, and your gall bladder was strong. It was either one or the other. But don't worry, your liver seems to be giving as good as it gets.

Had a good laugh about that, until I remembered a poster in my wife's OB/GYN office. It depicted the fetus in the uterus, and the mother's internal organ's shoved to the back like so many unmatched socks. Looked something like this:



Dude, women just get worked over like Play-Do, don't they?

Tomorrow, an examination of Fruit Of The Loom's short-lived line of uranium briefs! See you then!

posted by Dan 1:45 PM
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Wednesday, March 31, 2004

 

Dan Trujillo's Completely Amateur Review of Photoshop CS

I'm going to break up from the monotony of theater-talk here with a little monotonous software talk. In case the title didn't tip you off, this entry will be a review of Adobe Photoshop CS, from an amateur's point of view. For those of you who don't care for such things, enjoy this vintage advertisement:


Oh heavens, yes, we will be discussing this tomorrow.

I scan and retouch transparencies and photographs in Photoshop for a living. If you know me from way back, the fact that I have this job is stupid funny. I'm self-taught on Photoshop, so there's a lot of functions I don't deal with and probably never will. I think this makes me a pretty good guinea pig for dilettante users that ahem acquired a copy of Photoshop, and are wondering if they should acquire the new version ahem ahem.

Three big plusses of the new package:

1. Automated Crop and Straighten: I spend a substantial amount of time doing this, and getting the program to do it for me means more time to surf the...work hard, very hard, at other parts of my job. Hi boss.



2. Histogram Palette: Good grief, even knowing what that is -- let alone having an appreciation for it -- makes me want to punch me in the face. But there you have it. I love the histogram palette. Now, as I try and coax colors back from the dead of a fifty year-old transparency, I can immediately see if my patient is going to come out looking like a package of "Fruit Stripe". Hahaha a little Photoshop humor there (note to self: 10 lashings tonight).



3. Customizable Keyboard Shortcuts: I know this isn't a big deal for most, but it particularly appeals to me. I like to use the mouse only for doing work on the image itself. Other than that, I want to be playing my keyboard. When Microsoft Office is beating you on the user interface end, it's time for some introspection. Adobe did that, and came back better.

"But Dan," the one person reading this says, "what of the much-touted file browser?" Enh. All of our images are imported into a local program that allows us to search by keyword artist etc. I did check out the file browser, and it seems good for a home user / amateur photographer with a lot of images. Not for me, though.

One tool that is not new to Photoshop, but new to me, is the Healing Brush. PS7 introduced this tool. My company failed to purchase that version, for some reason. We skipped from 6 straight to CS. So what I'm about to say is old news.

Man, that's a cool tool.

See, dust and scratches are a scanner's bane. With PS6, you had two options for getting rid of them: the Dust and Scratches tool, which made your image look like you'd used a floor buffer on it; or the Clone Stamp, which involved using little pieces of the image to cover up the imperfections. It was killing ants with tweezers. Dust and Scratches was DDT. The Healing Brush is a miniature cyborg ant that infiltrates the colony, annihilates all resistance, and makes love to the queen.

What was I talking about? Right, Healing Brush. You still paint over scratches by selecting other bits of the image, but you don't have to worry about differences in shading or texture so much. Fear my Healing Brush, o wayward hairs. Your end is at hand.

Photoshop CS also has 48-bit color support for its tools now, but until the new JPEG 2000 format is supported by...well ANY programs, that won't be seeing a lot of use from us amateurs.

Overall, PS CS has a number of useful tools and is a solid improvement over 7, and a ridiculously solid upgrade over 6. And if you're thinking of cough gackacquiring it, know that the program must be activated over the internet. I'm lucky. I got a job that pays for it.

This concludes the first and probably last software post on Venal Scene. Tomorrow, a discussion of...this:



Dear Lord.

posted by Dan 9:34 PM
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Tuesday, March 30, 2004

 

Money Where The Pie-Hole Is

Via Mac Rogers, I learned about the New Works of Merit Playwriting Contest 2004. Always curious, I followed his link to the site.

I was a little intimidated by extensive criteria they're looking for in the entries. What really bothered me, though, was the $25.00 submission fee. I've made fun of submission fees here before. I was about to do so again, but the little liberal-commie-son-of-a-Berkleyite voice in the back of my head spoke up. He reminded me that, as a good lefty looney, I should always try to see the other side's P.O.V. Besides, if I'd bother to investigate the matter, I might learn something about the competition process.

I said, "All right, Little Berkley Voice, I'll investigate. In exchange, you're going to be silent when I buy the next SI swimsuit issue."

So I sent them this letter.

March 30, 2004

VIA E-MAIL

Sandra Nordgren
New Works of Merit Playwriting Contest
511 Avenue of the Americas - #2000
New York City, NY 10011-8436

Dear Ms. Nordgren:

I am writing you with an inquiry about the New Works of Merit Playwriting Contest for 2004. I would like to offer you my services, but first, let me explain what motivated me to approach you.

I read about your competition with interest, but your high submission fee disturbed me. I don't intend to rehash the arguments against such fees. I'm sure you've heard the complaints before. I assume that's why you've outlined the reasons for the fees on your web page, and included a testimonial from the winning playwright on the merits of the evaluations. Besides, I'm sure you feel that playwrights who complain about these things don't understand the difficulties involved in operating these competitions. Perhaps if they did, they wouldn't be so quick to complain.

This is why I'm approaching you.

I would like to offer my services as a reader for your competition, gratis. You could use my stipend to fund the production of the winning play, bolster the winning award, or add an award for runner-up. I'm sure the money would be useful for any number of necessities.

I am a produced playwright, as you can see from my attached resume. I am the resident playwright for the Imua! Theare Company. I also have experience as a director, producer and critic, so I've worked with plays from all sides...I believe these are all qualifications of your current readers.

In exchange for my free service, I ask permission to write about the experience on my internet weblog, Venal Scene (http://www.dantrujillo.com/blog). Naturally, I will not reveal the names or identifying information of the playwrights I read. I will not post script evaluations on my website. I will only write about the experience itself. I will write about it with respect, as opposed to the satirical tone I sometimes use on my website (save perhaps in reference to myself). Through this, I hope to gain a greater understanding of the play competition process, and help my small readership and I judge whether, as playwrights, we should be amenable to such fees.

I hope you will consider my offer with the seriousness in which I submit it. Thank you for your time.


Best Regards,

Dan Trujillo

I'll let you all know if they reply, and what the reply is.

posted by Dan 1:55 PM
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Monday, March 29, 2004

 

Flat Tire

Some virus has steamrolled me. I feel like, in the middle of the night, one of those 30s cartoon non-specific animals took out a giant rolling pin and spread me 1/4" thick.

Bu that's not what I'm here to tell you about. For those of you living in the NYC area who still haven't seen Matty Charles and the Valentines play, you must go see them this Wednesday night. It's their last show at their ideal venue.

They've had this regular weekly gig at Pete's Candy Store in Brooklyn. Petes is a beautiful jewel-box performance space and, for my money, the best venue for their sound ever. Sure, they're playing bigger joints like The Living Room, but missing them at Petes is like missing The Beatles at The Cavern Club.

This Wednesday, 10pm. Last show. Bring someone you hope to get in bed with.

I'll be there, if I can just stick my thumb in my mouth and re-inflate myself, Wile E. Coyote-style.

posted by Dan 1:48 PM
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