Friday, July 15, 2005

 

I Will End Positively

Please give a warm welcome to Sheila Callaghan, who is a playwright and not Irish. She just lost a beloved family member, so go share a warm glass of sympathy.

posted by Dan 1:42 PM
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Less Peeved

I wanted to mention -- for all the NYC-dwellers -- that if you haven't been down to SPF yet...well go. It's $10. New plays and stuff.

I saw Courting Vampires, which starred my buddy Jason Pugatch. He's got a book coming out, which shocked me and the wife, as we didn't know he liked books. Actually, he probably doesn't. Authors hate books. At least I think they do, since all the theatre people I know hate theatre.

My, but I'm spewing yellow streams today! I'm going to try to see Ephemera by John Yearley, who was a panelist at the LFTC this year. Anyone else know of anything good playing?

posted by Dan 1:23 PM
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AN OPEN LETTER TO THE MOTHER POURING A 22 OZ. PEPSI INTO HER SON'S MOUTH

Dear Ma'am,

I'm not a Morgan-Spurlock-Fast-Food-Nation-Sue-McDonalds type. I believe we're all entitled to put poisons in our system -- I do it regularly. But when your child sucks back those 22 ounces of Pepsi with an open throat, it doesn't mean he goes for the great taste of Pepsi. It means he's dehydrated from the effin heat. It means water please. I'll leave aside the health issues involved with rampant pop consumption. You failed to provide what any frontal-lobe-lacking beast provides their offspring.

It's not as if the hints to your boy's condition weren't there. The subway we shared was on the tropical side. He was slick with perspiration, as he sports a fine layer of blubber from many a prior 22 oz. bottle of Pepsi. He probably overheats as often as a '74 Pontiac. By pouring that high-sucrose slosh down his gullet, you are making matters worse, not better. Now he'll need more water to process said slosh, and to clear the stick from inside his yap.

But you know all this. and I know you know it, because you saw me looking at you. You looked at me with guilty eyes. I can only assume I had some kind of disapproving scowl on my face, as I said nothing, and never do. I appreciated that you still have a conscience, and didn't respond with something like WHAT YOU LOOKIN AT ONLY GOD CAN JUDGE ME, as so often happens. Listen to that conscience, ma'am. When baby bird chirps for water, he wants water, not diabetes.

There's something more than your own child's health at stake. There's the health of other children. Understand that if you withhold the basic sustenance of life from your offspring, if you bloat him with endless offerings of 22 oz. pops, it's going to make him mean -- thirsty, and mean. He's going to go to school, and he's going to find some kid: say -- and I'm just pulling this out of the blue -- a small, skinny, bespectacled young lad. He's going to take this harmless lad's lunchbox, consume the food within it, suck back the water as if it were Pepsi, and then punch the lad in the throat. That lad will grow up knowing how mean beady-eyed, sugar-charged lardballs can be. His sympathy gland will shrivel from disuse. He will carry a disapproving scowl on his face for some future mother.

It's a cycle, ma'am. Let's break it.

Best Regards,

Dan Trujillo

posted by Dan 1:08 PM
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